Back in September

i just wanted to sit. park time is alone time. enjoying the sunset and minding my own business. if people walk around wanting things, putting on a face that just says "pity me," what makes me different than them. a house? no. a car? no. neither of those are mine. i wish i could say they were. but im not quite there yet. why do we worry about money? its always on my mind and i do nothing but spend it on useless things. I guess that could be what makes me different than the pity-me-faced-beggars. but it doesn't. i am a beggar. i am constantly begging. i beg for attention. i beg for friendships. i beg for companionship. i beg for forgiveness.  you see, this world is far too complex than we as humans could ever wrap our minds around. i don't even want to think about trying... because all i will ever do, is beg to understand.