happy new year
you've really got to know that i still love you.
Maybe every day has a story of its own.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
אמת
Spring can be the cruelest of months
but bringing in your life
yeah we're promising so much
like the pledge that you gave when you said that you'd always love me
but we both know by autumn you're like the color of leaves
Monday, December 27, 2010
possibility.
tonight i had a long conversation with a man who knows more than you ever will.
i came to the conclusion that the Lord(the man who knows more than you ever will (: ) is the best listener in the entire world. my heart was humbled. maybe for the rest of this situation or maybe for the rest of only tonight. i can honestly say that i have no idea.
this separation has made my life come to a halt at some points, made my emotions take a complete 180, made my daily routines... not a routine anymore. its a habit that was broken. and with brokenness comes clarity.
i have not once questioned that the Lord wasn't doing this for his own glory. through my selfish desires, sure i want things that i cant have. but when i really sit and think about it i say okay whitney, think about other analogies that don't seem as bad but are comparable to this.
the first one that popped into my mind is something that happened earlier. my two lovely friends, that the Lord has DEFINITELY brought us back together through this situation, and i were shopping. we kept finding stuff and it was so appealing to me, then it didn't work too well... i remember i said once "well, i'll try this on only for it not to even work out for me! (:" and at first they didn't. (and true this is kind of in a materialistic way because we were shopping.. but bear with me.) but after we kept on going from place to place on our girls night/day, i found little things here and there that i would much rather spend my money that i worked hard and long hours for.
now how that relates is think about it this way. i really may have wanted the cardigan. did it look right? na.. i didnt want to put it back, but if it didn't look right why in the world would i get it? so i have to move on until i find something or even if i DONT. this is kind of the same way with relationships in a way (even friendships.) i may really want the relationship to work. was it working RIGHT? maybe not so much. did i want to end it? no. so if it wasn't working right at the time (at least for one person) why would you continue. maybe this is just lack of sleep that is talking and i may not make any sense, and for that i do apologize.
In Francis Chan's book "Forgotten God" he writes this paragraph that is very intriguing. He tells us that there is a HUGE difference between BELIEVING what God has PROMISED... and PRAYING for things we would LIKE to be TRUE. Later he goes on to tell us that ultimately we need to stake our faith in God alone, not on the gifts, as good as they may be, that He gives... and that it all just really comes down to TRUST.
he ends the paragraph saying this
" Do you trust God that when He says no or "not in this way" to you, you still believe He is good and is doing what is best?"
I just want you to think about this. dwell on it. for as long as you need to. because this, my friends is a serious question that you should keep yourself in check with. its a struggle that i am constantly asking myself especially when hard times seem to overtake my life.
i speak to myself as well when i say to remember Psalms 115:3
Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.
just think about it.
i came to the conclusion that the Lord(the man who knows more than you ever will (: ) is the best listener in the entire world. my heart was humbled. maybe for the rest of this situation or maybe for the rest of only tonight. i can honestly say that i have no idea.
this separation has made my life come to a halt at some points, made my emotions take a complete 180, made my daily routines... not a routine anymore. its a habit that was broken. and with brokenness comes clarity.
i have not once questioned that the Lord wasn't doing this for his own glory. through my selfish desires, sure i want things that i cant have. but when i really sit and think about it i say okay whitney, think about other analogies that don't seem as bad but are comparable to this.
the first one that popped into my mind is something that happened earlier. my two lovely friends, that the Lord has DEFINITELY brought us back together through this situation, and i were shopping. we kept finding stuff and it was so appealing to me, then it didn't work too well... i remember i said once "well, i'll try this on only for it not to even work out for me! (:" and at first they didn't. (and true this is kind of in a materialistic way because we were shopping.. but bear with me.) but after we kept on going from place to place on our girls night/day, i found little things here and there that i would much rather spend my money that i worked hard and long hours for.
now how that relates is think about it this way. i really may have wanted the cardigan. did it look right? na.. i didnt want to put it back, but if it didn't look right why in the world would i get it? so i have to move on until i find something or even if i DONT. this is kind of the same way with relationships in a way (even friendships.) i may really want the relationship to work. was it working RIGHT? maybe not so much. did i want to end it? no. so if it wasn't working right at the time (at least for one person) why would you continue. maybe this is just lack of sleep that is talking and i may not make any sense, and for that i do apologize.
In Francis Chan's book "Forgotten God" he writes this paragraph that is very intriguing. He tells us that there is a HUGE difference between BELIEVING what God has PROMISED... and PRAYING for things we would LIKE to be TRUE. Later he goes on to tell us that ultimately we need to stake our faith in God alone, not on the gifts, as good as they may be, that He gives... and that it all just really comes down to TRUST.
he ends the paragraph saying this
" Do you trust God that when He says no or "not in this way" to you, you still believe He is good and is doing what is best?"
I just want you to think about this. dwell on it. for as long as you need to. because this, my friends is a serious question that you should keep yourself in check with. its a struggle that i am constantly asking myself especially when hard times seem to overtake my life.
i speak to myself as well when i say to remember Psalms 115:3
Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.
just think about it.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
lalala.
thought 1-
if you threw a tent party, and then got kicked out of your own tent party, what good are you?
thought 2-
why do adults insist on counting to 3 before their children get punished for whatever they were doing that was annoying or bad. that just lets them know they can keep doing it for three whole seconds. some people underestimate children's minds.
thought 3-
when will my nose stop bleeding? i have two A's so far in two of my classes so i think that if A's call for nose bleeds, thats fine by me.
thought 4-
i got asked by my teacher today, in a laughing manner, after not even speaking to him yet, if i thought my everyday thoughts in rainbows and unicorns? i thought about asking him if he ever thought about not doing drugs. hah no im playing.. i dont think he does drugs? i hope not.
thought 5-
when i was little, and i sat in traffic in the car with my family, i always envisioned who was " first in traffic". as if someone was the line leader of traffic. sadly that kind of still makes sense because its usually people who don't know the speed limit, or even the concept of being anywhere on time, that you have to weave in and out of traffic just to pass by, then coincidently there is no more traffic. awesome.
thought 6-
i would like some new boots. one my dog chewed up and made ratty, then the opposite one i spilt paint on, then the one that got eaten i also spilt paint on, then the one i first spilt paint on, my dog got really excited to see me so he pee'd on it, then today i spilt tea on the one that got eaten. nice, huh? :)
if you threw a tent party, and then got kicked out of your own tent party, what good are you?
thought 2-
why do adults insist on counting to 3 before their children get punished for whatever they were doing that was annoying or bad. that just lets them know they can keep doing it for three whole seconds. some people underestimate children's minds.
thought 3-
when will my nose stop bleeding? i have two A's so far in two of my classes so i think that if A's call for nose bleeds, thats fine by me.
thought 4-
i got asked by my teacher today, in a laughing manner, after not even speaking to him yet, if i thought my everyday thoughts in rainbows and unicorns? i thought about asking him if he ever thought about not doing drugs. hah no im playing.. i dont think he does drugs? i hope not.
thought 5-
when i was little, and i sat in traffic in the car with my family, i always envisioned who was " first in traffic". as if someone was the line leader of traffic. sadly that kind of still makes sense because its usually people who don't know the speed limit, or even the concept of being anywhere on time, that you have to weave in and out of traffic just to pass by, then coincidently there is no more traffic. awesome.
thought 6-
i would like some new boots. one my dog chewed up and made ratty, then the opposite one i spilt paint on, then the one that got eaten i also spilt paint on, then the one i first spilt paint on, my dog got really excited to see me so he pee'd on it, then today i spilt tea on the one that got eaten. nice, huh? :)
Monday, December 13, 2010
woe is me.
if you werent happy, then i must have done something wrong. you say that you made a mistake of letting me slip through your fingers twice? i am assuming that was about me, and if its not that i am just an idiot. but if it is, then why is this seeming like its my own fault.
if its me being dramatic, did you ever think about how you told me that is because i take after my parents?
if its me not letting you live your life, aren't you the one who promised everything including your love and your heart? who then just took it back.
if i was killing you, why would you have been in denial for so long.
if i don't understand you, who does.
if i am causing drama even when i'm not around, how so? please tell me. because i have secluded myself from the world, and you, for the past month. want to talk about not being able to communicate?
then maybe we should talk about you telling me when things were starting to get rough where you just kept denying and denyning. or maybe when you gave me a promise ring. or maybe when you told me you loved me, and didnt mean it in the way that i meant it. knowing that there are "different kinds of love."
you just werent happy anymore
you tried and tried.
well i will let you in on something.
I AM NOT HAPPY ANYMORE. I TRY AND TRY.
if its me being dramatic, did you ever think about how you told me that is because i take after my parents?
if its me not letting you live your life, aren't you the one who promised everything including your love and your heart? who then just took it back.
if i was killing you, why would you have been in denial for so long.
if i don't understand you, who does.
if i am causing drama even when i'm not around, how so? please tell me. because i have secluded myself from the world, and you, for the past month. want to talk about not being able to communicate?
then maybe we should talk about you telling me when things were starting to get rough where you just kept denying and denyning. or maybe when you gave me a promise ring. or maybe when you told me you loved me, and didnt mean it in the way that i meant it. knowing that there are "different kinds of love."
you just werent happy anymore
you tried and tried.
well i will let you in on something.
I AM NOT HAPPY ANYMORE. I TRY AND TRY.
Kate Nash & old memories.
just take a second. don't think, just remember.
you and me. just sitting, knowing, and loving.
All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something
I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish I was your favourite smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style
I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you'd always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met
I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three
I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep
Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something
you and me. just sitting, knowing, and loving.
All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something
I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish I was your favourite smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style
I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you'd always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met
I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three
I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep
Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something
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